Heavens got a party going on!

Happy Birthday Sammie..AKA Larry!! Much love. Miss you lots.Thanks for the good times!

Thankful...

So I saw this on one of my friends facebook, I read it and it made me tear up. I want to say thanks to all those who have served, are serving, and will serve. Thank you for all you do, there are still people who remember what sacrifices you are making. I also want to say thanks to those who have someone serving in their family whether it be their husband, wife, son, brother, sister, daughter, mother, or father, you guys are just as brave as those whom serve. They couldn't do it without your support. A lot of those serving dont get to be home for Christmas. What a great season to let them know we are thinking of them and love them for what they do. We should support them and remember them this holiday season and send our love their way and the way of their families. Much love. Here is the poem I saw..

A Soldier's Christmas

By Michael Marks

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,

I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight;

My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,

My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,

Transforming the yard to a winter delight;

The sparkling lights in the tree, I believe,

Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,

Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep

In perfect contentment or so it would seem,

So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,

But I opened my eye when it tickled my ear;

Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,

Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,

And I crept to the door just to see who was near;

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,

A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,

Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold;

Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,

Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,

"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!

Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,

You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift

Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light,

Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,

I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line

That separates you from the darkest of times;

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,

I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

"My Gramps died at 'Pearl' on a day in December,"

then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram' always remembers;

My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam,

And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

"I've not seen my own son in more than a while,

But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile;"

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,

The red white and blue ... an American flag.

"I can live through the cold and the being alone

Away from my family, my house and my home;

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,

I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

"I can carry the weight of killing another

Or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers

Who stand at the front against any and all,

To insure for all time that this flag will not fall.

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,

Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least

Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?

It seems all too little for all that you've done,

For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,

"Just tell us you love us, and never forget

To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,

To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

"For when we come home, either standing or dead,

To know you remember we fought and we bled

Is payment enough, and with that we will trust

That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

The lord never ceases to amaze me..

The Lord never ceases to amaze me..I say this and I dont know why I am so surprised. Lately I have been on this roller coaster of feelings. I was on this down slope, the bottom of a hill, and its like I couldn't get back up it. But with the power of pray and the lords endless blessings, im starting to be able to get back up. I have these little moments every day where the lord sends someone or something to remind me of what I need to do and give me that spiritual boost everyday. He knows im struggling and he of course is right there to help me along. Today Brother Fish sang the song, Joseph (I was not his father, He was mine.) and it made me cry of course, Most songs make me tear up. There is something about music that just gets to me. I love stories and quotes and all that good stuff, but music, songs get to me the most. This song was one of the many reminders today that the lord sent to me. Seeing how this day is only half over, im waiting for the Lord to send another my way. Its good that he gets me and how my emotions are constantly changing and how I need to have more then just one little reminder. He never ceases to amaze me. Lately I have been thinking about choices and lessons I have learned, and relearned. There are some choices made and lessons that come from them later on and how those are lessons I have learned to late. But I guess its never to late to learn a lesson, we have eternity to better ourselves. It made me really think about my life choices and how I want to live my life with no regret. It will be hard but it is something that I strive for. I think this will be my new years resolution, just this one. I am making some positive choices and I am proud of where I am going. The new year is going to help me further some of the choices and im really excited for them. I love my Heavenly Father and am indeed grateful for him. I am so blessed to have the people in my life that I do and to have constant reminders of his love for me. While I am still having tough times, I know that I can get through them and am grateful for that knowledge. I am glad to be having a hard time now in this Christmas season, its tough, but being able to reflect on Christ is something that I need. My last post was of a video I saw and loved. Also watch the First Presidency's Christmas Devotional, it was good.

Real Meaning of Christmas

Sorry it kind of cuts some the side off...

hmm

I'm not very good at keeping up on this thing as you all can tell. I dont have much to write about! ha ha Life is good. well except for the snow, that could go away and I would be happier! Not much has happened that I can remember since I last posted. Halloween came and went, Raiden made the cutest tony the tiger and Hannah a lady bug. Thanksgiving has now came and went, stuffed my face. yum yum. Now its onto the Christmas season. This year has come and gone and time is slipping. All I have to say is that I love my family and friends, they are what make life complete! =]

Conference

So this past weekend has been General Conference. I remember when I was littler I always thought conference was long and boring. Now I am finding more joy in hearing the words of the Prophet and general authorities. What great men they are. Truly they are the men and of course women we need to look up to. Conference this past weekend was just what I needed. It was a spiritual boost and a reminder to me to keep my head up, work on what I need to and always know the savior loves me. There were so many good talks and so many good quotes and phrases that I will quote and remember. I am so indeed greatful for the leaders of the church and for the way that our heavenly father has put everything in order. Just to sit there and listen to the speakers and know that so many other people are sitting there with you, how humbling that is. The church is growing and yet I feel like the talks are geared toward the individual. The spirit truly does manifest to you what you need to get out of each talk, granted you have to have the spirit with you, but it can be one amazing experience. Even watching music and the spoken word before conference just brought in the spirit and peace and love. Being able to sit in the living room and watch it with my mom and brother was awesome. We had fun yet we were able to feel the spirit. One of the major things I guess relearned was that we need to forgo good things in order to experience better things. I have had a lot of issues where I feel like I missed out on alot of experiences because life didnt go the way I planned. But I know that the experiences I would have had would not have helped me get to the place I am right now in my life. I wouldnt have come to the decisions that I have made if I did do what I had planned. God knows all and I need to trust in him COMPLETELY and not just halfheartedly. I have to be thankful that Heavenly Father lets me struggle because in the end my faith grows and it helps shape me into what I am suppose to be. What a wonderful blessing life is and I need to enjoy the journey, road bumps and all! one of my favorite quotes, it actually came from music and the spoken word, "Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." Victor Hugo

Yuki

its a gloomy day.. weather and emotions. Is that all life comes too.. being wrapped up so carefully and then buried?? After all the love and care thats what it comes too?? RIP Yuki. I sit here and write this as my dad has to bury his kitty. His favorite cat and I dont know what to say or do. All I have said is sorry and I love you. I went and said my goodbye to her this morning after she had already passed away and thats all I can really do. This makes me sad. The only thing that gives me hope is now she isnt hurting anymore. she is now young and lively again. My daddy took good care of her and I know she is greatful to him. She even said goodbye to him last night in her own special way. As much as I complained about how she was a mean ol lady in her old age, I still loved her. how can you not?? She lived a pretty good life, alot thanks to the man, my daddy. She will be missed and she can never be replaced. RIP Yuki, have fun running a muck up in heaven. love you!

Cali.. Love it!

So this past weekend we were able to go to CALI!! well San Diego and Anaheim to be exact. Thursday we left around 2.. it was a little late but we made our way to Vegas! I honestly dont know what people see in Vegas.. its disgusting and dirty and stinky like no other. I find it to be a gross city. but it was nice to walk around with Kev, Ricky, Heidi, and Baby Raiden. There were creepy guys dressed up in these costumes and this one guy who was fat and had on girls lingerie on, GROSS!! but he was kinda funny! We ended up stayin in the Excalibur and it was pretty nice. The next day we had a 6 o clock wake up call which was Raiden but we ended up not leaving till a little later and traveling to SAN DIEGO!! We got there and checked into the hotel and waited for my aunt Carolyn. It was a long car ride to get there and traffic in Cali is CrAzY!! I wouldnt want to drive there! anyway when she came we went and saw my Nana a lil bit and that was nice. I havent seen her in forever and man is she one tiny little thing. It was a little scary hugging her cause I didnt want to break her!! After that we went to dinner and over to Target which had two stories so you put your cart on this cool thing that takes it up and down the stairs it was pretty neat! Then the next day we went to Sea World while momma hung out with Nana and Carolyn. I loved Sea World! its just my kinda thing. except it made me sad that the animals were so close to the ocean and they were stuck in tanks instead. anyway I got sunburned and have way weird lines but it was well worth it. it renewed and energized my desire to work with animals and why i want to and what got me loving it in the first place but not only that but the importance of conservation and all that. Plus it made me realize how much I really would love to do something with marine biology and want to be close with being able to handle the more exotic type animals. I still want to be a vet tech but I think I want to do a little bit more. and being so close to the ocean was awesome even tho we didnt get to go to the beach.. it was calling my name! ha ha After an awesome day at Sea World we went and said goodbye to nana and carolyn and headed off to the happiest place on earth. We got there later then expected but went to downtown disney and got a couple things. Then the next day we got to go to Disney land and California Adventures which was really fun. It was really cool to see Raiden enjoy it and Hannah as well. I got to do all the things I wanted and even when everyone ditched out on us later that night, my mom and dad were troopers and stayed out late with me to watch world of color, ride Indiana Jones, and do a lil more shopping. It was kinda a rushed weekend but I loved it. I would want a little bit more time to do things but it was nice to get away. Plus it was nice to see the little ones and how they reacted to things and just enjoy all the sights and sounds. Im glad I went but am sad it ended!

life lesson learned.

Just because I have an opinion on something doesnt mean I need to share it. There is a time and place for everything. There has been so much contention and opinion sharing going on this last little while. A large part due to me. its caused nothing but stress and bitter feelings towards others. Just because I dont like something someone is doing or what choices they are making in their lives doesnt mean I have to share it. I now see how the adversary can take hold of a situation. I know they really understand my weaknesses and know the holes in my armor and how to use it against me. With all these feelings inside of me, I turned away from the one true comfort I knew of- Heavenly Father and prayer. its not really funny but is because I stopped praying because I was ashamed of how I was feeling and how it got a hold of me but I wouldnt admit that to myself until now. I just didnt feel like he wanted to hear from me and all my bitterness. I didnt want to say sorry or feel sorry because I was right and thats that. It was slowly rotting my insides and after tonight I can see what damage has been done. I see my flaws and my wrong doings and now have to make them right. I cant take back my action but I can try to make things better, to make them right. Heavenly Father has been there for me through my toughest times and loneliest times and I owe it to him to do what I can to make things better. If only I could be more like him, slowly but surely I can get there. I have to work to fix the kinks in my armor and not let the adversary get a hold of me. Im not perfect and I know I will screw up again but thats why we are here to learn from our mistakes and to improve ourselves. I also have my sister to thank. when im not making her mad or whatever she is there for me to unload everything on and takes it like a champ. I dont know what I would do without her, I would probably explode with all the emotion that I had to keep in. I was lucky enough and blessed to have her as my sister and am eternally grateful for it. Its funny the way things work out. sometimes we go about things the wrong way and it makes for a hard situation but I know I learn a great deal from it, and I always seem to take the hard way but I guess I have a lot more to learn.

oh life!

So yesterday i had a fun night! I got to spend one last time with jamie before she left for SUU. its sad cause im gonna miss her but I am so so excited for her to start her new adventure. I love her to death and am so excited to see her whenever she comes up next! yay for best friends! i also got to spend a little bit of time with my sista which was nice just to hang out. I love my sista! but tonight im irritated. nuff said. It was a good day but of course it couldnt last forever. such is life!

My momma...

If only I had half the compassion and understanding as my mother does, the world would be a better place by far....

blah

I HATE the feeling of not knowing whats going to happen. worst feeling in the world. It stresses me out, makes my head go all fuzzy, and all I want to do is cry. Who knows maybe it will be a good ending, and maybe not. I just dont want to do this waiting game anymore.

juy 24th weekend

So I actually got to go somewhere. crazy I know. It was just a little trip for Kevins graduation but it was just what I needed! We were suppose to go to Mesquite but that didnt work out, not gonna lie I was a little bummed when I found out that the alternative was Park City. Really why there, but I would go anyway. And it was a good thing that I did. it was a short trip but a very fun one! Friday we went and walked around the Tanger outlets, which I mean shopping come on, love it! We stopped at there little food place and I got a pretzel while everyone else got pretzel dogs-gross! Funniest part is we got drinks but they were more like mini coolers, those suckers were huge!! ha ha we all gave Christina a hard time. it was great! After walking all the way around we went and checked into the hotel. After a lil napping by some we headed out and looked at the new shopping center they have built up there. It was neat, they had a lot of cool little stores, one I liked was a toy store- it was like every little kids dream. We ended up eating at a place called Redrock.. I think.. it had a lot of healthy stuff but it was good! Saturday we got up early and didnt make it out the door all that early but we went up to the park city resort and checked it out. they have the alpine slide, zip line, and the coaster. They all looked really fun to do but are kinda pricey! we ended up just going on the chair lifts up and did a "scenic" ride. it was way pretty up there and it was fun riding on the chairlifts. once we got up to the top we hiked around a little and went back down. going down was a little scary! the chair lift would stop and we just be hanging there really high. that wasnt so much fun! but I survived! ha ha after that we went and walked down main st. That was a lot of fun! its just a whole bunch of little shops and art galleries, and restaurants put together. very very cool! I dont ever remember going down main st so it was fun to do! we ate at this pizza and pasta place, main st pizza, or something to that effect, and it was really good! it was really good and not greasy which i liked! After walking down main st we went over to the Olympic park and watched some skiers practicing and they landed in a pool. it was pretty cool to see and they were really good! then to the side of us some people had paid to do the same thing but obviously they were on a smaller ramp. it was a lot of little kids and they were so fun to watch! after being there for awhile we called it a day, but not after getting some cold stone ice cream of course! I ended getting fried because sunscreen wasnt on my mind so i didnt bring it. Much to Joshs humor, it was another thing to tease me about. its all good tho, he has it coming! ha ha it was a short but much needed weekend. All thanks to my lovely sister and bro in law. Sadly now its back to reality and getting my butt in gear. but im so ready for another get away. Pictures coming soon since they are all on my sisters camera. Much love.

yesterday

Yesterday wasnt my day.. i burnt my finger on very hot plastic, which was way fun.. haha and my hip bones are permanent bruises. But I did have fun so luckily the day wasnt so bad. Im just lucky nothing else happened. yay go me and my bad self! Ha ha Also I love spending time with my family. never a dull moment which I love. Oh and its hot, im literaly roasting. Oh well we wanted summer and boy is it here. I do love Utah but it always goes from one extreme to another. Anywho Im going to try harder to write on here.. even if it is random, I want to have something, document my day. We will see how it goes! =] Much love!
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now." one of my new favorite songs..

Each life that touches ours for good...

Each time I hear that song I cry, I cant even sing the first few words without tearing up and crying. My sister was talking today and was telling me and my mom about a family that just had a daughter commit suicide. I immediately shut down. anytime this subject gets brought up, I feel myself shut down. I listen but I make my self stop feeling anything. Its a subject thats too close to my heart. I cant even explain how I feel for this family that is going through this. Its not something that I wish upon anyone. And for that girls friends, been there, by far one of the worst experiences in my life. Not a week goes by that I dont think of her. I know she is in a better place but it still doesnt close that aching feeling in my heart. Its not as heart shattering as it first was but there is still that void, a piece that is missing. A couple months after she died, I had a dream about her. She was happy, I hadnt seen her truly happy in quite awhile. She was smiling her unique smile and she was asking how her family was. She told me not to worry and she just kept smiling. Only Heavenly Father knew how much I needed that, How much that would help me heal. I still feel the ache but its softened by the knowledge the gospel brings into my life. I miss her and the goofy times we had together. The summer where we used to go and help her mom at the elementary. we were so young, yet she had seen and experienced more then anyone her age should have to. She confided in me and I in turn tried to help carry her burden, even if it was a small portion. I was there for her to talk to and am lucky and blessed that she did but afterwards I didnt feel like it was enough. maybe if I had called her more or talked to her more or called her the day before like she asked me too, the situation would have changed. I know in my heart that it wouldnt, but im only human. Its been three years, yet it feels like it was just yesterday. She was one of my best friends, she was what I needed in my life at that time. She was that shooting star that so many wish to see and only few do, and are lucky that they do. Only in my life for a short time in our perspective, but long enough to do good. Im eternally greatful for the time I had with her and have so many memories to look back on and smile. always a memory of her living and breathing, smiling. Halloween, summers, ready aim fire, chicken little, girls camp, boys, polos, dancing, the list goes on. I love you!

1. Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.

2. What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

3. When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

4. For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

Raidens 1st Birthday

So this last saturday we had Raidens 1st birthday party! I cant believe he is 1!!! Everyone met at Murray park and enjoyed a nice lunch and birthday present opening. it was a combined birthday with his cousin Graham. Both lil boys seemed to enjoy their presents and all the attention. When it was time for them to dig into their cake, Raiden didnt want his cake he wanted to share Grahams cake! He is a funny kid, all he wanted to do was play with his little Tonka toy. He is growing up so fast, its like where has the time gone! oh and my sister made me the photographer for her camera.. it was a joy.. just kidding it was ok! ha ha here are a couple of pics..

Fathers..

so since it was fathers day awhile ago and my daddys birthday, I thought he should have his own special post. I love my pops a lot. He has done a lot for not just me but everyone. he trys to act tough or intimidating but he is just a soft cuddly teddy bear! ;] He is a funny one with his oh so awesome jokes.. and stories. When I first started working he worked his schedule around mine so I would have a way to work, even though it was sometimes a pain, he did it anyways. I told him awhile ago that I dont remember him much when I was little but thats not entirely true. He used to take me and kevin to elementary. he made sure we were dressed and ready to go.. even if we werent looking to fashionable.. ha ha. he used to always have something to snack on after school.. from breadsticks to his infamous biscuits. ha ha Those countless summer trips when we would just drive to what I thought were random places but they werent. That one time we drove to Idaho and got Burger King and drove back home.. Im glad to have a wonderful daddy and he makes one heck of a grandpa too. He stepped into that role with ease! Raiden and Hannah are lucky! Most of all I just want to say how much I love this old man.. ok he isnt that old I just like giving him a hard time! much love daddy!

Update..

Ok wow I havent been on here in FOREVER!!! well to update on my June... It started off with the whole family coming and Kevin Graduating!!! I was super super excited to see everyone but to also see kevin graduate. its crazy to think he is graduated. I love when we get to spend time with the whole familia! Then both Raiden and Hannah were blessed. What a wonderful thing. i am so glad that all the men in my family hold the priesthood and use it. It was such a special day having both of them blessed and to have family all around. the whole weekend was family oriented and I LOVED IT!!! My Aunt Debbie had the privilege of getting her endownments out while she was here too. such a special occasion. I didnt get to go to the temple with them but I know what a blessing that was. While they did that me, grandma, and kevin watched baby hannah. i love when I get to spend time with my grandma she is an amazing person! it was sad to see everyone leave but I know that we will see them again. oh and also we celebrated dads birthday.. he is an old man now! ha ha. I dont really remember what else happened that month but I know it was a good one!

Life so far..

So a few things have happened since the last time I posted. but first off I neglected to have a post on my Niece being born! She was born on April 26th and her name is Hannah Abigal! she is of course a cute little thing and is an amazing addition to the family. As much as I love her, I feel bad she was born into this crazy family! ha ha just kidding she wont be sorry she chose us! I have the opportunity to babysit Raiden a day during the week most weeks since they have moved back and Man that Lil dude is growing up so fast! I swear everytime I see him he can do something else! and boy does he have quite a few "toofers"! I love every minute I get to spend with him! Seeing these two lil ones makes it hard not to believe that there is a caring heavenly father watching over us. He loves us and wants us to be happy- and how could you not be happy with having the two lil ones around!! amongst all of this fun family stuff I got to see Ja-may!! I havent seen her in a very very long time!! Its amazing to me that you can go months without seeing someone but once you do you can pick up where you left off and not alot has changed! She is an amazing person and such and example to me! I got lucky in my best friend choice thats for sure!! I know I jump around alot in this one but I have alot on my mind. Its crazy to think that in about a week Kevin will be graduating! Im so excited for him and I just hope that he takes time to enjoy the last bit of his high school experience and soak it all in cause boy does reality hit you afterwards! I know he is destined to great things and will go far in whatever he sets his mind too! Plus since he is graduating I get to see my family! It feels like its been forever since I have seen my Aunts and grandma! I miss having them around but its fun while it lasts! Im glad I have the family I do because I wouldnt want it anyother way! anywho I think I will stop here. I have had this stuck in my head so I thought I would share.. "And when the night is cloudy, There is still a light that shines on me, shine on until tomorrow, let it be" Let it Be by The Beatles.

Momma

Ok so I haven't written in awhile so what a better time to do so then on Mother's Day! I have the best mom in the world! How can I not when she puts up with me! ha ha Seriously though she is an amazing person! she has taught me alot and helped me through alot! She is a wonderful example to me and helps me put things in perspective. Sometimes I think she puts herself down and thinks she has somewhat failed in some aspects but I dont think so! She has done her best and then some! and come on how could you not love her! =] She is the perfect mom for me and I wouldnt want anyone else! So momma I love you lots! You are an amazing person and mother. I am blessed to have you as my mom and am eternally grateful for you! But not only do I have an awesome mom, I also have other amazing women in my life. I have my Nana and grandma, the ones who raised my parents. It wasn't easy for them but looked how their kids turned out, to be really good parents. So to you Nana and grandma- I love you more and more and thank you for being wonderful mothers and examples so that the future generation could pass it on! To all the mothers out there- way to be!

Come What May and Love It!

I have not written in awhile so I guess it is time too! The Olympics were on a couple weeks ago and it was really exciting to watch! I am so proud of all the American athletes, they did an awesome job!! and it did help that a good portion of the male athletes are pretty darn cute! ha ha they all have a lot of potential and can be such huge role models to kids going into their sports or just any sport, I just hope they use that for the better! This last Saturday I went to my first Jazz game and it was so much fun! it is a lot different being there then if you were to watch it on tv. Just the whole vibe of the place is awesome!! It was a good experience for sure! and this Sunday I went and got my recommend renewed thank goodness it feels so good to have it!! and I also talked to the bishop about getting my mission papers started!! im am so so excited!! He asked me what was pulling me towards that and it is so hard to explain. the only way I can explain it is that it just feels right. You know that feeling when you just know thats what you are suppose to do and it just feels right. I have been thinking about it for awhile and my thoughts just keep going back to it and it just brings an amazing feeling and it feels so right! so I get to start the process and turn it all in come August!! its so crazy to think that next year I can be gone and being an instrument in the Lords hand! crazyness! anyway Im just really excited and im trying to change my attitude for the better and take the bad with the good! come what may and love it!

Family!!

haha old picture! too cute!!
So lately I have been thinking about how blessed I am to have the family that I do. we may fight, bicker, belittle, ignore each other at times but with that comes the laughter, jokes (uh hum not always great ones..dad..;] ), love, and good times that we will always remember. ya know when you were little and you just wished you could have had a different family or what it would be like to be the only child.. well I used to think that sometimes but now its totally different! how boring would that life have been!! others may look at us and be like wow disfunctional but I look at us and see, yes disfunctional, but happy and nothing but love. as we have grown older, and lives have all started to head in different directions, I see my family totally different then what I used to. I sometimes wish we can turn back time and have us all together again and have less time arguing or hating each other and more time being together and just having a good time all the time. but life is life and as we live and grow, we learn whats most important and are able to see a little clearer. growing up me and my sister did not get along and thats somewhat of an understatement. I dont think she ever realized how much I looked up to her even though she was a brat most of the time. hey when there is only two sisters among a group of boys, you wanna stick together, right?!?! but as we both are growing up, I look up to her even more. ya we still fight but I know that she loves me and I love her. She is my guiding light at times and its pretty reassuring. we even get pimples in the same spots! weird!! ha ha and now I get three other awesome people in my life. each one brings something different to our family and its makes it that much more awesome! we all bring different things to the table and there is never a dull moment. I just hope they all know how much they mean to me and how I wouldnt want it anyother way. besides we get to be together for all eternity, so we better start liking each other or else eternity will seem that much longer! =] ha ha.
Ricky- I love you! thanks for being an awesome person inside and out and never giving up. you showed me how to be brave and think outside the box.
Christina- my dearest sister.. I love you! thanks for always being there and helping me get through my challenges. thanks for all the laughs and the thrills. hey remember the lazy man light switch?!?!
Matt- I love you! thanks for showing me how to just keep going and being an example of how to just be you no matter what.
Kevin- I love you!! thanks for being my buddy and always being there to count on. you have always been there to lean on and I dont think you even know it! thanks for being the one I can laugh with and just be goofy with!
Mom- words cant explain how much I love you! you are my rock and my foundation. you have always always been there for me and for all the kids! you truly are an example to me in many ways! you show me how much a mothers love can extend and grow and how a mother should be. sometimes you might feel like you havent been such a great mom, but your lieing to yourself. you are a strong woman and I love that!
Daddy- you come off to other people as intimidating but I know your just a soft cuddly teddy bear! I love you!! you are truly an example to me and that even if love isnt always expressed it doesnt mean its not there. you are the cornerstone to this family, a key component, and I wouldnt want it any other way! you taught me how to be goofy and fun loving but also how to be firm and be able to say when enough is enough. you are an amazing person!

I could go on and on but im sure ya'll dont want to have me keep going. anyway this may seem sappy or just weird to some but its nice to finally have it all out and to have it recorded. just remember that family is important and they will always be here for you. when all the world steps out or away, thats when your family moves in even closer to you! if you havent told them that you love them then maybe its time. they dont always know that you do, and a reminder is nice every once in awhile.

thinkin...

So life lately has been pretty good I cant complain too much! I just recently took my first biology test so we will see how that goes! I have been focusing on school and work lately and havent had much of a social life. this last week I went back to Theta and had a blast! it is a lot of fun and all the friends I have met through there are simply amazing! lately though I have just wanted to spend time with my family and just be around them. I feel that if I go do something else I would miss out on something ya know. The social scene doesnt call my name as much. but I will go to Theta when I can and have a social life that way! Last sunday was the SUPER BOWL against the saints and colts, saints won. but that wasnt the point of sunday. Sunday I heard my lil nephew Raiden say his first word which is "dada"!!! it was so freakin cute! man I miss that lil boy!! he is so big and can do so many things its crazy how fast he is growing up and makin me sad because we didnt get to see alot of it! but no worries they are moving back in APRIL!!! im so excited for that!! then the family will be complete again and its going to be awesome!! this post is just kinda random just fyi!! I also got my hair cut on saturday and its a lil odd but it looks pretty cute curled so maybe ill just curl it everyday!! ha ha not!! but hair is hair and it will grow back so I just hope it hurries!! ha ha anyway I also had one friend finally realize how strong she is and it makes me so happy knowing that she finally realizes some of her potential!! she rocks my socks!! I hope to someday be as strong as she is! I love you too the moon and back! Ill end this lil post with this quote: "Today you are you, that is truer then true. there is no one alive that is youer then you!!" Dr Suess